Friday, January 9, 2009

Treatise on Apartment Living

Apologies for very shoddy posting for the last little while, folks. I've been busy with getting settled back into school life and detoxing myself out of the turkey and stuffing hangover that I've been fighting since the day Christmas holidays began. Also, I've been tied up with a non-blog, creative writing project that's been taking up much of my free time to frustratingly few results. In any event, I've returned to regular routine and am looking forward to settling into better postings once again. 

At the beginning of this academic year, I decided to make the step out of residence and move into my first apartment. I live in a small (pushing micro) bachelor suite in a self-consciously self-righteous community oriented toward fostering long-term sustainability and a vibrant resident community. At least that's what the brochures say. In recent weeks, I've been pushed to my wits end with the type of people who inhabit these types of places. I am not referring to those who believe in sustainability or smart urbanism because heaven knows that I do my damndest to adhere to these principles myself. I'm speaking more to the type of people who believe that paying a higher rent, living in an exclusive community, buying all-terrain baby carriages, wearing Gore-Tex and Chanel in the same swoop, shopping at small independent whole foods markets, etc. some how changes the nature of those around them. Some time ago now, I received an anonymous note under my door in the dead of night, citing strata bylaws, and asking me to please "be more courteous" to my neighbours and respect noise restrictions. This little treat claimed that I had been running appliances like vacuum cleaners after 11pm, moving furniture all night (for the record, this is impossible. I have the upper body strength of an 8-year-old girl), blasting music after midnight, and so on. Regardless of the fact that none of these noises had come from my apartment, whoever had sent this note had felt that it was within their rights to remind me of bylaws and make accusations regarding my behaviour, without ever having spoken to me or confirming their suspicions. Imagine my surprise, then, when I received a letter some time later notifying me of a formal noise complaint against my apartment that had been brought before the city-wide condominium service! All this without a single knock on the door! Without even an attempt to speak with me. Without so much as a passing effort to determine if these accusations were indeed true! 

It is not that I was falsely accused of violations that bothers me, but the fact that whoever had perceived the problem was obviously bent not on solving their noise issues, but on bringing swift and, aboveall, anonymous revenge down upon my ruckus, noisy, disrespectful little head. Call me crazy, but when you encounter an issue, do you not speak to the person with whom you take exception? Isn't that your first instinct? It would certainly be my reaction. In turn, I struggled valiantly against my own worrisome mind, trying to figure out what exactly would have made the anonymous victim so averse to simply knocking on my door. What was it that made them so absolutely furious that they would leave the note in the dead of night, (presumably in the hopes I wouldn't notice when it had been left) and without even seeing my face, take the complaint to the highest authority of condominium regulations in the city? As a side note, the highest authority on condo regulations in the city is accurately comparable to the hamster in the pet store- cute, vaguely respected, and self-empowered, but always bypassed in favour of animals of consequence, puppies, kittens, and in some more exotic pet shops, ferrets. 

It occurred to me, only after hearing a similar story from a friend in my building, that the reason for this aggressively hamster-like behaviour is purely economic. My friend received a similar noise complaint citing, of all things, walking too loudly. Her walking had disturbed someone to the point that a 50 dollar fine seemed in order. It became abundantly clear that the people making these complaints, rattling the hamster cage, so to speak, have absolutely no desire to live around other humans. It isn't that they want respectful neighbours, or to live in a courteous community. They want to live away from neighbours entirely. To complain about and attempt to fine someone for walking too loudly isn't a matter of making sure people respect noise bylaws, it's a matter of telling other people what they can and cannot do on a very broad level. Somehow, paying a higher rent has become tantamount to the demand for common bedtimes, common routines, common tastes and behaviours. These people want to live next to robots, not other people. 

The problem with this kind of apartment living is the mentality that takes root among the more ornery tenants: that if they are paying for a home, they are also paying for the privilege to live within that space in a way that they choose. This is a fair claim. However, what they seem to forget is that every other tenant has the same expectation- everyone pays, everyone uses their space as a home. The problem arises, though, when the odd person believes that their rent payments entitle them to live their lives in the way the desire, free of interference from others. This is an impossible expectation to meet. Neighbours, tenants, renters, owners, are all people, and people make noise. Going to the kitchen and getting food makes noise. Walking to the door to leave for class makes noise. Emptying the dishwasher makes noise. These are not malicious actions. They are simply the things we do in our days, as we live our lives in our little stacked homes. But should those noises spill from one life into another, they suddenly become attacks on the sovereignty of the next unit over. All at once, me vacuuming my apartment after 7pm becomes an act of war, an attempt to annex your kitchenette and sofa.

Should you wish to avoid interaction with others, I suggest you throw yourself in front of a train right now, because you will constantly be let down by your total inability to meet this goal. People make noise, people do the same things you do, people exist outwardly, people move in amongst other people's lives, sounds, wishes, contracts and rent payments. Should someone genuinely offend you, fair enough. But rather than leaving an anonymous note by cover of darkness, try knocking on a door and speaking to the person with whom you have a problem. I can almost guarantee that this will yield a more positive outcome than the bureaucratic hamster aggravation that comes along with alternate mediation mechanisms. 

No amount of rent you pay, no number of gates on a community, no slab of concrete and steel will ever change the fact that people are people. Realize this, then reconsider your anger, and commence feeling like a jackass. Many thanks. 


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